Want to Be My Friend?

Have you ever watched kids make friends? It amazes me how effortlessly my boys can walk up to other kids on a playground and just start playing. Sometimes it’s as easy as saying, “Hey! Want to be my friend?” Other times, they don’t even start with an introduction. They just start running and chasing each other, and before you know it, they’re introducing me to their “new best friend.”

I wish making friends was that easy as an adult!

There are a lot of obstacles to making friends as we age. Marriage, raising a family, and working full-time jobs take much of our focus and free time. We often don’t have the same exposure to people in our age group or season of life as we did in school. But if we’re honest, there’s one big thing that holds many adults back from making friends: trust.

It doesn’t take many letdowns before you become hesitant to form new friendships. Some people give up on it altogether, deciding it’s safer to be alone.

However, this isn’t good for us. In fact, recent studies from Harvard and the CDC show that people with strong community ties recover more quickly from illness and hospitalization than those without support.

Isolation isn’t just bad for our souls—it’s bad for our physical bodies, too.

Jesus walked the earth, and he’s no stranger to the struggle of trusting people. Check out what John had to say about this:

“Because of the miraculous signs Jesus did in Jerusalem at the Passover celebration, many began to trust in him. But Jesus didn’t trust them, because he knew all about people. No one needed to tell him about human nature, for he knew what was in each person’s heart.” John 2:23–25 NLT

I can’t imagine how much harder it would be to trust anyone if I knew what was in each person’s heart. That has to be a heavy thing to carry. Still, Jesus chose to make friends. In fact, He had twelve very close ones, and three in His inner circle—Peter, James, and John.

Jesus knew what was in every person’s heart, so He knew Judas would betray Him from the moment He selected him as one of the twelve. Yet just moments before Judas’ betrayal, Jesus knelt to serve him, washing his feet.

“It was time for supper, and the devil had already prompted Judas, son of Simon Iscariot, to betray Jesus. Jesus knew that the Father had given him authority over everything and that he had come from God and would return to God. So he got up from the table, took off his robe, wrapped a towel around his waist, and poured water into a basin. Then he began to wash the disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel he had around him.” John 13:2–5 NLT

While Jesus washed Judas’ feet, there came a time when they parted ways (John 13:21–30). We can follow Jesus’ example—it’s okay to dismiss people who are actively and intentionally choosing to harm us from having a seat at our table.

But didn’t all the disciples abandon Jesus that night?

Yes—and He knew that would happen too (John 13:38). So what’s the difference?

The disciples truly loved Jesus and had a bad moment. Judas, on the other hand, actively and intentionally chose to harm Him.

Jesus—the ultimate example of a friend—forgave them, and all of us, on the cross. His offer of forgiveness extended to everyone, even Judas. But it was the ones who truly loved Him that He trusted to help build His church.

“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” John 15:13 NLT

We can follow Jesus’ example by “making allowance for each other’s faults,” knowing that no one is perfect and that even the best of friends will let us down from time to time.

We can also follow His example by dismissing those who are actively causing us harm—while refusing to let that pain callous our hearts or prevent us from trusting anyone again.

“Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” Colossians 3:13 NLT

If you’ve distanced yourself from people after a breach of trust and you’re feeling lonely, would you pray this prayer with me?

“God, I have been deeply hurt, and I’m struggling to trust others. Still, I know that You created me for connection, and I want to follow Your example to love and trust good people again. Please help me have discernment between who to dismiss from my life and who to extend ‘allowance for faults’ toward. Help me to forgive every single one, whether or not they remain in my close circle. Please surround me with good people who bring out the best in me. Amen.”