Solitude vs. Isolation
It took me all the way to my mid-twenties to realize I am an introvert. Some of my friends laugh at me when I say that and tell me it’s pretty obvious, but I definitely missed the memo! In my teens and early twenties, I would feel guilty noticing that my mood would shift if I had been around people too much. Socializing didn’t feel unusually difficult for me, and I genuinely did enjoy the company of my friends, so I wasn’t self-aware enough to realize that too much time without solitude would deplete my energy. What finally made this blatantly obvious was my first move out of my hometown, when everyone around me was new all at once.
I quickly learned after my first move that meeting new faces is the most tiring part of socializing for me. Making new friends felt really scary, and it took me a long time to truly let my walls down and let other people in. Now that I have moved two more times, I’ve learned that making new friends, while very out of my comfort zone at first, is absolutely vital for my overall well-being.
Some people find their greatest joy in the next opportunity for social interaction, while others are more like me and can’t wait to get home, put on their pajamas, and disengage from the world. Still, despite this broad spectrum of personalities, we were all created to experience both solitude and community.
When God created Adam, there was only one thing wrong: he was alone (Genesis 2:18). God never intended for us to isolate ourselves and spend all of our time alone. What’s interesting is that we can surround ourselves with people all day, whether at work, school, or even a place meant for community like church, but still be alone—never allowing anyone we meet to truly, deeply, authentically get to know us.
That doesn’t mean we’re supposed to overshare with everyone we know, but it does mean that it’s important for us to put in our best effort to find a few good friends we can trust, even though this can be challenging in the busy, week-to-week lives we live as adults. It takes intentionality, trust, and risk—sometimes people will hurt us and let us down, but it’s worth the risk to find the ones who will be there for us in good times and bad.
Jesus often refers to the enemy as a wolf or lion—a predator who is seeking to devour. And He refers to His followers as “sheep.” A well-known fact about predators and their prey is that they seek out the isolated. There is strength and protection found in a herd. No wonder the Bible tells us not to neglect meeting together. No wonder after Peter warns believers to watch out for our enemy, he reminds us that we aren’t alone in our struggles:
“Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your family of believers all over the world is going through the same kind of suffering you are.” 1 Peter 5:8-9 NLT
While being “with the flock” is important, spending time in solitude with our Shepherd is also equally important. In John 10:1-10, Jesus describes His followers again as sheep who know His voice—sheep who won’t follow a stranger because that voice is unfamiliar. We know the voice of our Shepherd by spending time with Him!
Notice our Savior modeled solitude well, spending frequent time with people but still finding a place of solitude to be with the Father and pray (Mark 1:35-37). Spending time alone with God is equally vital for our spiritual health. Spending time alone to recharge our social battery is totally fine. Isolating and never allowing anyone to see, know, and love our authentic selves is damaging and a dangerous place to find ourselves in.
Have you found yourself isolating from others lately? Do you have a hard time letting people in, even if you spend plenty of time in social environments? What is one way you can make an effort to find a friend this week?
